Holiday Grief

As the holiday season really gears up there is something that is lingering, it is grief. Grief is one of those things that can come out of nowhere, stay for a long time or a brief moment. Grief is a thing that dredges up the past, the present and the future all in one turn. It is the epitome of strangeness comes to life. The grief can be for any reason, whether it is the loss of some one close to you or something as simple as something, anything has changed this holiday season and it affects you. Grief is that thing that we aren’t sure how to handle at times. 

The holidays bring festivities but also hurt and pain if grief is playing a part. Grief is the tangible feeling of loss and bereavement rolled into one. It is the tug of heartstrings and the flow of tears as we try to make sense of what we are experiencing. Everyone processes grief differently but the thing we all have in common is that grief can overtake us at any point in our lives. Grief is a strange bedfellow that we have to figure out how to handle. We can’t just ignore the grief even though I would love to but it is just so present that we can’t just let it reside without having so much as a conversation with it. 

With the holidays in full force let us remember those who are over come with grief. Let us call upon God in our hour of need, as we are grieving, let Him comfort us and provide for us. How hard is that statement to fulfill? It is so hard to call upon Him when we are so desperate in our grief. That is the thing; the grief can overwhelm us to where we don’t feel like we can call upon Him or anyone for that matter, we are so mired down. That feeling can come from out of nowhere or it can come right when are expecting it. No matter how it comes grief bowls us over and has us crying out in desperation. 

In our desperation we need to relay on God and those around us who can comfort and be there for us. I realize that it harder to do through our grief, I am a walking testament to trying to deal with grief on my own. After losing daddy I just shut myself off from things reminding me of him, things that had to do with him, and people that reminded me of him. I can attest that this is not the best way to deal with grief that is so overwhelming. I have sense realized that daddy would not want me to live my life like that, so I started to open up and let my grief be known to those closest to me. I miss him more today than ever before, but there is more to my grief these days.

I haven’t’ talked publically about this but this time of year my grief over not having a child or children is very present. I know that there is a reason for me not being able to get pregnant and keep a baby but I honestly don’t know what that reason is. It is grief inducing to see all the sweet kids dressed up for the holidays and seeing all the parents going shopping for Santa. I realize that this type of grief is completely different than the grief of losing daddy but both are forms of grief and both are very prevalent in my life at this very moment. 

I say all this to hold myself accountable and to ask you to pray for my grief and to be with me during this season of my life. I have to relay on God and let His will for my life play out. I may not totally understand why things haven’t happened or why they aren’t happening but I understand that His will is what is best for my life and as we deal with grief we need to relay on His will and understanding. Grief can steal a lot from us but we can’t let it take over and leave us desperate. We have to deal with the grief and understand that it is teaching us a valuable lesson. So as we have this grief in our lives, let us relay on God and each other to make it through. Grief will not win and get the best of my holidays, I will relay on Him and make the holidays the best yet.